


I want you to stay

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Complicated Relationships, Future Fic, M/M, Not Beta Read, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-15
Updated: 2019-09-15
Packaged: 2020-10-19 04:40:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20651351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Javi looks sad and tired, and Yuzuru wants to say that yes, he will stay; he wants to get into bed again and wake up after a few hours, he wants breakfast together, and he wants the whole eternity.But also, he wants other things.





	I want you to stay

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Mary_the_gardener](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mary_the_gardener/gifts).

> Lil something I wrote today, I hope you enjoy!

Yuzuru slowly zips his hoodie up, his fingers feeling a bit stiff, as if his body isn't fully awake yet. The room is quiet, and the only sound he can hear is his own heartbeat and regular breathing coming from the bed behind him. Yuzuru swallows hard and reaches for the plastic folder resting on the top of his suitcase; in the dim light of an early morning he checks his ticket and other documents, and he feels lump in his throat growing bigger and bigger. He takes a deep breath, fingers curling on the handle of his suitcase, and he's about to start walking, when the bed cracks behind him and he freezes, waiting, his heart stuttering.

"Don't go."

Yuzuru closes his eyes for a moment, and then he turns around, letting go of his bag.

"I didn't want to wake you up." he says, and he knows it's nonsense, and he flinches at the way Javi grimaces, setting himself against the headboard. His eyes are dark and wide and tired, and his gaze is burning Yuzuru as they look at each other, silent, the tension growing and turning almost suffocating.

"Don't go." Javi repeats, softer than before, and something in Yuzuru cracks, a sharp sting of pain that is not enough to make him change his mind. Still, he makes his way to the bed, sitting on the edge and folding his hands on his legs.

"I will be back soon, you know it." he says quietly, trying his best to smile, but Javi shakes his head, lips pressed in a sad, stubborn line.

"You promised me, Yuzu." he says "You promised me."

Yuzuru swallows hard, his throat tight, and he looks down at his hands before meeting Javi's gaze again.

"It's just a few more months."

Javi laughs a that, short, choked out sound that is all but happy.

"You've been saying that for years, Yuzu." he says quietly, and Yuzuru's heart hurts "Please. Please, don't leave."

He looks sad and tired, and Yuzuru wants to say that yes, he will stay, he wants to get into bed again and wake up after a few hours, he wants a breakfast together, and he wants the whole eternity.

But also, he wants other things, things he can't give up on yet. So he puts his hand on Javi's knee and leans forward, praying that Javi won't draw away.

"I love you." he whispers before brushing his lips against Javi's in a soft kiss that is warm and familiar and so painful.

Javi doesn't say it back, but Yuzuru knows how he feels anyway, he can see it in his eyes, dark and clouded. He wants to say something more, explain once again, make another promise, but his phone buzzes urgently in his pocket, and suddenly there is no more time. So he smiles, weak and strangled, and Javi blinks at him as if he's realizing that it's not some bad dream.

When Yuzuru leaves, he can feel Javi's gaze on the back of his head, and he forces himself to move forward, ignoring that little voice in the back of his head asking him if it's all worth it.

The Toronto airport is so familiar Yuzuru could go around with his eyes closed. He checks in his luggage and goes through security on autopilot, and then he drops in a corner of a coffee shop, numb and exhausted. His tea is pretty bad, but it helps him wash down that terrible bitterness that is lingering in his throat since he woke up.

He still have over an hour till his plane, and he can't decide if he wants that time to pass already, or if he wants it to last forever.

He looks down and he noticed the hem of his t-shirt sneaking out from under his hoodie, bright blue color that makes Yuzuru's eyes water, and he wants to crawl somewhere and hide, and pretend that he's making the right choice, just like he was trying to convince himself for the past three years.

_ He won't wait for you forever _ Saya told him once, her expression stern and compassionate at the same time  _ Soon, you will have to choose. Or he will do it for you. _

But Yuzuru didn't even try to choose, and he tried not to notice the way Javi's smile was getting dimmer and dimmer. 

He hears his flight being announced through the speakers, but when he stands up he feels light-headed, and somehow he can smell Javi's scent, he feels his warmth, and he almost tumbles down, resting one hand on the table to steady himself. 

He shudders, and he tries to remember who is he supposed to be. 

* * *

Javi's fingers don't tremble as he opens the closet, taking a few of his shirts out and putting them into his bag. He does the same with his pants and underwear, he packs some warmer clothes and his pajamas, and then goes to the bathroom, collecting his things with mechanical movements, without really thinking about it. When the bag is full he closes it and looks around the bedroom, his heart stuttering painfully.

He doesn't want to leave, but he also doesn't want to stay, to sit alone and wonder how much longer it will take him to start hating that man he still loves so much, but who keeps on breaking his heart so recklessly.

_ Just a few more months, I promise _ Yuzuru whispered against his neck three years earlier, his nose cold against Javi's skin  _ Just a bit longer, and I will tell everyone, and I will stop. I will be with you. _

But months turned into a year, and another one, and one more, and Javi can't take it anymore. He can't keep on lying to almost everyone in his life, and he can't keep on hoping that Yuzuru will put him first, one day.

Javi knows that Yuzuru loves him, he really does, but it's not enough, not that way; and now Javi just wants to go back home, to that place he left so many times but always came back to when he couldn't do it on his own, anymore.

And now, he can't.

He looks around, wondering if he will ever come back here, and trying to think about where he put his favourite shirt. And it hurts, to stand like that with knowledge that it's over, that it's the ending of what he thought would be forever; but if Javi wants to save himself, he needs to put himself first, and maybe with time he will learn how to be happy again.

He swallows hard and grabs his bag, ready to try and leave maybe a bit of that pain behind, when suddenly he hears some fumbling by the front door, rapid footsteps, and there is Yuzuru, flushed and panting, eyes wide and desperate. He stops abruptly, taking the whole scene in, and his face turns pale. 

"Javi." he whispers, strangled, and Javi has never seen him so scared before "Javi-" he repeats, taking a step closer and then he stops, unsure. 

"You-" Javi clears his throat, his heartbeat picking up "You were supposed to be in a plane now." 

"My bag is." Yuzuru mumbles, his expression crumbling "Javi…. don't go." 

His tone is pleading, and it hurts, but Javi swallows hard, because he's scared, and he isn't sure. 

"I don't want to make you choose." he says quietly "And I can't… I can’t go on like this, I'm sorry, I’m go-" 

"Javi." Yuzuru says, his eyes shining "I love you. And I'm not leaving, and I need you to trust me. I-" he exhales shakily "Please, trust me, that last time." 

He looks desperate, and Javi's heart is breaking when he looks at him, at this man who brought him so much happiness and so much misery.

Can he put his heart on the line, once again? Can he risk it?

Does he even want to?

He knows.

He steps closer, and takes Yuzuru’s hand.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Don't hesitate to tell me, and thank you so much for reading!


End file.
